Growing Pains

Y'all let's be honest...when the Lord wants to teach you a hard and long lesson it is not ever likely going to be when you 'have time for it ' or when your are winning at life. With that said, the Lord has made it clear to us that we need to learn that hard lesson of being disciplined with finances. Richard and I have never tried to pretend to be well managers of the money we have in life, but the Lord has graciously provided for us despite our lack of discipline. He has also made it clear that we need help doing a rehaul of how we move forward. It is embarrassing, humbling, angering, and not a pleasant experience to have to face any hardship that you know needs a makeover from the inside out.

It has never been one big medical bill, one major life changing event or need that has put us where we are at but our life with caring for a special needs child does demand you in ways that are not always explainable on a sheet of paper, blog post, or statistic. The Lord has graciously used so many of you over the years to help us in times that we didn't know what else to do and I never want people to think that when you have helped us along the way that it wasn't used in a way to help our family's overall need. Arwen's medical life isn't just about an appointment that costs a certain amount of money or a particular surgery that puts us in the red. But 9 years of going back and forth to tests, doctors, therapy, etc, over 75+ times a year, eating out while being there all day, getting her oils/supplements that help her body each month so that we don't have to rely on synthetic medicine only, foods that I feel passionate that help her and our family, health needs for us as we have to manage illness, co-pays, fuel, bills for our every day life do add up and make it overwhelming to keep track of. 

That said, the Lord is showing us we need to be more intentional and responsible so that we don't always have to be so stretched when big things come up for Arwen that we need more help with. Like I mentioned earlier, these type of growing pains and learning experiences never come at a time in life that you feel you can handle any more on your plate. It almost definitely comes when you feel you are at a breaking point that has you in a deep pit of despair. And I am not one that deals with change of any kind with much grace. But that is why I am beyond grateful that the Lord uses these times to draw me closer to Himself despite my resistance at times.

It is funny how you know things need to change, you even try for a bit, but most of the time you get overwhelmed and give up while the vicious cycle continues. And that goes for anything in life. Which ultimately should show us that we are not capable of doing any of it apart from Christ. 

So, years of trying to handle it all in the wrong way, on top of having a growing family, has put us in a place that is not very easy or fun. The Lord has brought people alongside us to love us in a way that isn't always easy, but we're thankful we have people who love us enough to help us out.

The hardest part for me is how to balance it all with the fact that I have a high standard of what I feel is the best way to care for my family from a whole body perspective, but I have worked hard for many years to research the best foods, supplements, oils, etc, to give all of us--though especially Arwen--the best quality of life. That can come at a high price, which for us, we know is an issue. Though I will not compromise the integrity of how I feel the Lord has provided me the knowledge of how best to care for my family, I do have to swallow my pride knowing that I can't do it at the level I would like all the time. 

I say all of this, as I always want to be an open book with our struggles, because many of you have helped us over the years and we never want to pretend that we are worse or better off than what pictures or posts on social media can portray. We are forever grateful to those of you who have helped us or will help in the future. We know that the Lord is showing us how best to be wise and care for our family so we appreciate you all walking alongside us. Our life has been made a little more public because of the medical circumstances, which makes it all the more important for us to try to be as clear as we can with the decisions we make. We pray that all of it points our hearts to Christ and pray that it does you as well. We would also ask for your prayers for wisdom in how we can be the best stewards of what God has provided for us. May it be all for our shared joy and His glory. Amen.