Not in my timing

2 Corinthians 12:9-11
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 Today we met with Arwen's docs at the spinal defects clinic and I walked away more confused and angry than I was before. Which shows me my heart is trusting in myself and doctors on earth to answer my concerns and not fully trusting where God is leading. Though Arwen is overall doing very well and really showing the world that she won't let Spina Bifida define her ,she still struggles daily with what everyday life with Spina Bifida entails. I am so very thankful God has brought her to where she is today, but the mamma bear in me wants to have all the answers, prevent further damage, and know what is next before something major happens. But today God has shown me that is not the way it works. I can't say I fully trust He knows best for Arwen's life yet still lack faith where He has her now. Whether I have still have many questions unanswered or all of them are answered, God still is sovereign and knows the best option for her life.
Being a mother is a hard hard job, but adding any type of disability in the mix is difficult to put it lightly. I am humbled that God has blessed to be a mother of 4 beautiful children and honored to be a mother of a child with a disability. I am a go get it done now,control freak, organized, and have to know it all type of person but the Lord is graciously showing me  to "move over and let go of the reigns because you are not in control" lol. I do not always listen the first go around, but I am slowly catching on. It is very hard to watch your child go through something difficult and not have an answer or way to help heal them, but then I remember I am a weak sinner who is not capable of providing what only the Savior can. I can joyfully point her to the cross where there and there only can she find her true joy, peace, and comfort because of Christ's death on the cross. That is why it is so important for me to continually surround myself  and my kids with the Word of God so that when temptation and valleys of life hit we can be fully prepared for Satans attack. It is only with the living truth of the gospel that we can be ready for such times.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 

R
omans 8:28 

Blessed be the name of The Lord.